This Kid's Not Alright
by Panda Gravy
Summary: In a perfect world, Logan would have become a doctor. He wouldn't have made so many mistakes. He would have gotten to stay in medical school, his girlfriend would have never dumped him, and he'd have never learned the solace he could find in the kisses of other boys.


**This Kid's Not Alright**

In a perfect world, Logan would have become a doctor. He wouldn't have made so many mistakes. He would have gotten to stay in medical school, his girlfriend would have never dumped him, and he'd have never learned the solace he could find in the kisses of other boys.

He wouldn't have ever met Carlos and out of desperation agreed to put his own talented lips to work for Carlos' profit. He'd be helping people, and not in the way that he was now.

"You'll like this guy, Logan. He's a friend of mine," Carlos promised over the phone. But Carlos promised Logan would like everyone he sent to him. Logan hadn't found a reason to trust Carlos' promises yet.

And yet, he still sighed back, "I'm sure I will. When will he be here?"

"You can expect him before midnight! In the next hour or so," Carlos sounded almost enthusiastic on the other end of the line. This guy must be a high roller. Logan rubbed his temple, wondering what he'd be asked to do tonight.

"Alright, Carlos. Thanks," he still said, but hung up before waiting for any other response.

Meeting him for the first time, no one would assume Carlos was smart at all. But he had it figured out. He'd figured out how to make a shit ton of money without ever sacrificing any part of his own body, just others'. Logan wished he'd learned the system that well. Carlos Garcia was the only pimp on this side of town with young, attractive, disease-free male prostitutes. And most of them were disease-free thanks to the star cock sucker of the bunch.

Logan had been teased once or twice by friends in high school about having great dick-sucking lips. It wasn't til his downward spiral toward the end of his stint in med school did the nickname DSL really stick-because then there was truth in it.

He plopped down at his desk in his tiny studio apartment. He was beginning to hate how straight-out-of-a-B-rated-film he was becoming, with a red neon light flashing somewhere outside one of his windows, his wallpaper peeling, stains on his carpet. He tried to keep the place clean, but he couldn't even keep it well-lit; his light had burned out and all that glowed in the room was a dim desk lamp. Barely enough for Logan to see his reflection by in a small mirror. Honestly, Logan could afford a much nicer apartment, he had nice bedding and a lot of nice things in this one, but no one wanted to meet a male prostitute in a nice part of town where they could actually be seen.

It made him feel girly to check his appearance, but customers never wanted to see a tired, run-down looking prostitute. They wanted him looking youthful and spry, ready and eager to suck them off and let them do whatever else they wanted. Fortunately, Logan didn't look tired enough tonight to have to break out the concealer.

Knocking at the door. Logan jumped. This quick? He'd just gotten off the phone with Carlos ten minutes ago. This guy was eager.

"Uh-just a minute!" he called out, hopping up and rushing to grab a pair of skinny jeans off the floor. He was yanking them on and grabbing for a thin v-neck tee when the john knocked again. "Gimme a sec!" Logan shouted, rolling his eyes, irritated. Just because they owned him for the night didn't mean these guys should be rude.

Another quick glance into the mirror showed Logan he was looking like a twink, just like the clients liked, and his bright smile was just real-seeming enough to pass.

He opened the door and was about to give his usual, fake, flirty greeting, but the words got stuck in his mouth.

Holy shit, this guy was gorgeous.

Bright, hopeful, hazel eyes, perfect teeth, flawless skin, soft-looking hair, an incredible body, Logan could already tell, and not to mention he was young. What the hell did he need a prostitute for? Logan should have been paying this customer for the fuck, not the other way around.

Logan realized he was staring when the man's smile started to falter and he said, "Uhm... hi?"

Logan had to shake himself, and he was about to step aside to let the customer in, but he stopped a second and looked him up and down. "Do you... are you sure you've got the right address?" he asked uncertainly, tapping the number at the side of his door.

The drop-dead-gorgeous-please-take-me-and-fuck-me-now eyes shifted and stared at the number a second, then he nodded, smile returning. "Yep! Carlos sent me."

Well, that settled it. Either this was Logan's customer or a really unnecessarily attractive plumber. If this turned out to be a big joke on him by Carlos, Logan would wring his neck. He didn't care that all his paychecks came from him, he'd beat him senseless. That would be a fun headline; "Hooker kills pimp in fit of rage." And irony had always been a favorite of Logan's.

The man stepped inside as Logan moved out of the doorway and looked around, slipping his hands into his pockets. "Cute place," he commended, flashing that smile again and no way he was here for sex, he didn't need to be, he was too beautiful, he could not be so desperate as to pay for sex.

"Thanks," Logan replied, trying his hardest to slip into his shy-but-seductive role. He shut the door and turned slowly against it, leaning back and giving the guy his look. "So... what do I call you?" he asked, the line coming out flirty and cute, just like it should. "Daddy? Papa? Big guy?" He slinked towards his client, his hands unusually shaky as they touched his chest, feeling hard pecs and abs immediately underneath. God, of course he was ripped.

"James works," the client grinned down, unflinching, not nervous, not anything. He had confidence coming out his pores, more than Logan did by far. Where Logan usually held all the cards and had all the power in the room with a customer, this _James_ was totally owning him already.

James' eyes drifted all along Logan's face with this soft, indescribable look that had Logan captivated. He reached a hand up and touched Logan's hair, brushing it back, then cupped his cheek. "You're cute," he said quietly, and the tone of his voice caught Logan completely off-guard. Usually by this time, a customer would have Logan shoved to his knees with their cock in his face. James was... being gentle.

"Can I kiss you?" James asked suddenly, and Logan blinked. Surely the expression on his face was no longer that shy, flirty, seductive one he'd mastered over the last couple years, because that was the most confusing question he'd ever heard. Could James _kiss_ him? No one ever asked to kiss a prostitute. Granted... it was kinda nice to be asked.

Logan blinked, then shrugged. "Yeah. Uh-of course."

James' smile grew as he drew their bodies a little closer and softly touched his lips to Logan's. Logan had learned from Pretty Woman that hookers aren't supposed to kiss with their eyes closed, but fuck that. James was the hottest man to touch him since he started in this business and he wasn't passing this up. He looped his arms up around James' neck and allowed himself to be wrapped in close with an arm around his waist, hand firmly at his lower back.

James' lips tasted good, not like cigarettes or whiskey, but like fruit-strawberries and bananas, maybe yogurt, or blackberries. It was even better when James' tongue quickly slipped in and out of Logan's mouth, inviting Logan to have a real taste of something sweet. The kiss progressed more or less into making out, and Logan, usually so good at self-control, felt those tiny, pleasured moans escaping his throat and in turn felt James' lips curl up, smiling,

The hand at Logan's back slid down over his ass and then to grasp at his thigh, pulling up. Logan had done this, he knew when a client wanted to grab him, pick him up, throw him on the bed, fuck him silly... part of him really hoped James was working toward that fucking silly part. He lifted his leg, wrapping around James' waist and easily hopped up into his arms, allowing James' hands to hold him up by his rear, groping and feeling along his thighs. Logan moved his mouth from James' lips and tasted his jaw and ear and neck, hands wandering his shoulders and back.

Soon, Logan was being deposited slowly onto his bed, seated at the edge, and it was practically painful to tear his lips and tongue away from that. He was almost disappointed he hadn't been thrown down and that James wasn't ripping his clothes off of him right now. But this wasn't about Logan's pleasure anyway... he was the servicer, James was the customer.

So Logan smiled up at James in front of him, running his hands up and down his legs. "So what can I do for you, James?" he asked, hopefully not sounding too eager, but certainly seductive and enthusiastic. It was a difficult balance Logan had worked up.

James' fingers ran through Logan's hair, staring down at him with such fascinated eyes. "Carlos told me you have a specialty..." he said, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

Of course Carlos said that. Logan's mouth was certainly his biggest selling point. And as much as Logan really, really kinda just wanted James to top him now, he knew what he was good at and what kept the fellas coming. He smiled back and his hands drifted inward, to the fly of James' jeans, and pulled it down with one hand, the other slowly pushing up James' soft, expensive t-shirt in order for Logan to get his nose in there, nuzzling against James' navel.

Skilled fingers slipped the button to James' jeans out of its hole as his lips traced the skin just over his waistband, kissing and breathing lightly onto an evenly darkened V that directed Logan just where he was supposed to go.

"Mm... you really like the build-up..." James commented, and Logan could hear the quiet chuckle in his voice before he even glanced up to see the smile on his lips, his hand caressing the back of Logan's hair.

Logan grinned, gently working James' pants down to his knees and letting his hands snake around to his ass, giving it a nice squeeze. "It's no good if you aren't excited," he explained, adjusting to get comfortable at the edge of the bed.

"Oh," James breathed a chuckle. "Trust me, I'm excited." He rolled his hips forward, Logan meeting the bulge in his underwear with an eager and wet kiss. His lips wrapped around the covered length, sucking along the side down to the concealed end. Boy, he really was hard. Logan still couldn't imagine what would bring a Greek god like James to his door and how he could get him this aroused.

Logan had never really enjoyed teasing himself before, but he'd also never really been attracted to a client before, either. Usually, he wanted to get things over with as quickly as possible, wanted the jerks who came in here, the politicians and drug dealers, to stop calling him beautiful, stop stroking his cheek, stop telling him how good he was. Just wanted it to end. But with James... Logan could see this going on forever. He could close his eyes and fantasize that this gorgeous stranger would be the only one he'd ever suck off ever again, even before he'd started. He wanted to draw it out so it could seem like forever.

Off with the boxer-briefs and Logan was but an inch away from a practically perfect erect dick. And thank god he was well-groomed, Logan had spent too many nights spitting disgusting hair out. But James was trimmed up and probably even waxed. James was wealthy and cared about hygiene and Logan couldn't be more grateful. Such a good size, too, Logan could clearly imagine it filling him up, touching him, making his toes curl...

Logan almost dove onto James' cock, letting it slide between his lips, over his tongue, to the back of his mouth, testing how much he could get inside. James moaned on cue, threading his fingers into Logan's hair and pressing forward. But Logan valued patience and pulled off with an "Ah, ah, ah... timing is everything, James..." He smiled up, watching James' lips press together with an amused smirk.

So he could get it mostly in there. Logan was an expert deep-throater, but it made his throat raw and scratchy and he knew to ease into it. So he ran a hand along James' thigh, up to hold him at the base of his cock as he licked out at the end. He could taste sweat and precum, the usual flavors, but James tasted better. Maybe attractive people just tasted good like that. To be fair, Logan had never actually tasted a really attractive cock before. Only ugly people hired prostitutes to suck them off; sexy people didn't need to pay.

Logan's lips slid around the head of James' cock, tongue flicking rhythmically against the slit and around in circles. Although Logan had no doubt that his technique was flawless at this point, he still felt a rush at the pleasured sounds coming from James. It was great motivation. He sucked gently, pulling more of James into his mouth, his lips sliding down the length and tongue moving effortlessly to continue massaging against the underside.

He could feel James' eyes on him as he moaned softly, no doubt watching the way Logan's full, shining lips enveloped his dick. Logan knew he was getting somewhere. He slid James' cock out of his lips and sucked along the side, up and down with his salivating mouth. The way James' fingers gripped his hair told him he was doing something right and if he built this up enough, he'd have James fucking his mouth in no time.

His tongue went to work teasing around the head and up and down the underside of James' dick, licking and sucking and getting him all-around all kinds of wet. And just to tease even more, Logan began to stroke James' length as his mouth migrated southerly to his balls, licking anywhere his tongue could reach and tasting lust.

For once, Logan was actually really enjoying himself. Maybe it was the way James' voice just sounded so melodic as he moaned and sighed, or maybe it was the gentle fingers massaging through his hair. But it was probably really the fact that Logan actually found himself attracted to this stranger, which was a brand new feeling altogether.

When Logan had first broken into the business, he'd been less than thrilled. But he was broke, homeless, starving, and needed money so desperately that his next serious option was going to be selling a kidney. He'd actually met Kendall before he met Carlos.

Standing in line for food at the homeless shelter. Logan remembered more clearly than his own mother's face. He'd bumped into a tall, oddly attractive blond young man and apologized hastily, but the guy had just chuckled and said it was alright. He'd given Logan his roll and sat with him to eat. He'd commented that Logan was really cute and made him smile. He'd asked if Logan needed some money. Logan had lost his pride long ago and eagerly said yes, yes, he needed money like he needed air at this point. That was how he'd met Kendall's employer, Carlos.

"God, you're good..." James moaned and Logan grinned up at him, then proceeded to give a long, teasing lick from his balls all the way to the head of his cock.

It wasn't like he'd expected James-level attractiveness, but Logan had never been prepared for the scum that entered his apartment night after night. Carlos always promised him decent johns, but more often than not, they were older men, coming to Logan to live out their desires for other men, behind doors that protected them from society. They didn't treat Logan well, they didn't caress the back of his neck, they didn't kiss him passionately; they simply fucked his mouth and sometimes the rest of him and left him alone and filthy without words.

James, though... wow, James had loving hands and encouraging words like, "Yeah... yeah, just like that, that feels so nice..." as Logan began sucking again. He finally held at James' hip with one hand, massaging gently with his thumb, and the base of James' cock with the other and paused in his sliding, sucking motion only to open his mouth and tap the end against his tongue a few times, the last tease.

Then he went to real work. Sucking up to the climax. Logan closed his eyes and concentrated, although he could do this in his sleep (and actually may have done so at this point.) He began bobbing his head forward and back, taking a nanometer more of James each time, sucking and massaging with his tongue expertly.

Forward and back, Logan was well-practiced and knew how much strain his neck could take. He timed himself so that when he had James completely sucked into his mouth, lips pressed to his balls, nose to the soft hair at his groin, he could slow down, slipping it out slowly and sucking it back it.

It wasn't long before James did exactly what Logan expected him to; he held firmly at the back of Logan's head and began rocking rhythmically forward into his mouth, taking control. It was a sign that he was close and Logan had certainly done his job. So he kept his jaw loose, his lips full, and tongue moving, giving James all the pleasure he'd paid for as he fucked into Logan's mouth.

It wasn't long before James was pressing hard against Logan's mouth and rocking fast into him. Logan gently tugged away and took over again, using mostly his hand, which moved a lot faster than his mouth could, but continued to suck and lick at the end.

"Oh-oh, oh, oh, fuck..." James moaned throatily. In moments, Logan felt the first contraction of cum spurt into his mouth and pulled back to allow James to come on his tongue, lips, cheeks. Everyone liked seeing themselves come on Logan's face.

Logan finally sat back on the edge of the bed and took a deep breath. However, he was interrupted by a sudden rough grab at the back of his head, his neck, and lips pressed hard into his. "Mnph!" Logan went down on his back on the bed and James was on top of him suddenly, knees straddling his hips, kissing him furiously.

Well. There could be worse things to follow a blowjob.

Logan got on board quickly, running his hands up James' finely toned hips and waist, pushing his shirt up and grabbing at it as if he could pull him closer. James had kicked his pants and underwear off with his shoes and Logan could think of nothing better than to pull the shirt up over his head, too. So he did, forcing the kiss to break momentarily, but as soon as Logan had tossed the t-shirt aside, James was right back on his mouth, like he was trying to breathe life into Logan.

It was maybe a straight five minutes of a naked James making out with an unfortunately fully-clothed Logan before he finally rolled off with a huge breath of air, sprawling out on the bed next to Logan, both their legs hanging off the side. Logan was sweating through his thin v-neck and groaned as he pulled it up and off, dropping it on the floor. The jeans would take more work that he wasn't willing to put forth just yet. Besides... he'd rather James took them off.

After ditching his shirt, Logan pushed up on an elbow, looking down at James next to him and tentatively beginning to trace up and down his sternum. He felt a rush of joy at the little smile that appeared on James' lips at the touch, his eyes closed in bliss. "Mmm..." he hummed, licking his lips for a second. "You're good."

Logan grinned. He knew he was good. People didn't pay Carlos to pay him for nothing. "Thanks," he said. Then added, "Most guys don't really want to make out after coming in my mouth, though."

"Oh..." James chuckled. "I couldn't help myself. You were just... you're amazing..." His eyes opened lazily, half-closed and filled with affection. "Plus, god, you're just... so cute." He reached up, touching Logan's cheek with his knuckle and Logan felt his heart pound as he leaned into it.

His hand slowed on James' chest, eventually resting somewhere over his heart, where he could feel the rhythmic thumping and stroked his thumb in small circles. He was tan all over. And seeing him laid back and naked and so gorgeous... Logan began to feel a sinking in his chest a little.

Now that he'd finished James off, he'd be leaving soon. Leaving Logan to his miserable hooker existence to die alone in a filthy cum-stained apartment. Feeling his heart race in a bad way now, Logan swallowed and chewed his bottom lip, letting his eyes fall away from James' face.

"Hey..." James whispered, thumb stroking across Logan's cheekbone. "Why that face? What's the matter?"

Logan wasn't supposed to look sad in front of customers. Unless, of course, that was their kink. But he wasn't supposed to give them any kind of idea of what his life was like, just do his job and act like that was it. He loved sucking and fucking and was happy so long as he swallowed cum. So he tried to smile, the cute little fake smile he'd practiced so well, and said, "May I ask... why would you need to hire me? You're incredible-looking... you don't need to pay for this."

James smiled, but not quite as bright as before. More thoughtful, and now he was the one looking away from Logan. He dropped his hand away from Logan's cheek and Logan prayed he hadn't said the absolute wrong thing. He didn't want to drive James out. He wanted him to stay as long as possible.

"I think I'm gay," James said simply, raising his eyebrows and smiling at Logan. "I really wanted to know for sure. And I couldn't afford to proposition someone I know or be seen in a bar... so I talked to Carlos and he suggested you."

A bit of shameful pride rose up in Logan at the fact that he was Carlos' solution to James'... situation. But it made him curious and he couldn't help asking, "Why does it have to be such a secret?"

That brought James' smile back, this time so proud it made Logan's heart skip yet another beat. "I'm a singer. I'll have my first album coming out next month." He sighed. "And I can't afford to have any rumors stir up my rep before it's even established..."

Made enough sense. Sort of sad, but it made sense. Logan wouldn't have wanted people to know he was gay going straight into med school, to base every one of their opinions of him off that miniscule fact. He could understand that for someone in the public eye it would be even more important. But since James seemed sure now, it made Logan want to ask and he scooted a little closer, James' arm naturally slipping under him, touching his lower back as he stared up into Logan's eyes. Logan's hand resumed tracing up and down James' chest as he asked gingerly, "Would you fuck me?"

James' eyebrows rose in surprise, but he grinned wide. "Oh, yeah," he responded, making Logan's breath catch and he smiled back, leaning down to kiss James and get things started.

But James stopped him with his hand, fingertip touching Logan's lips. "Not... I can't. Not right now," he said, almost apologetically as the smile faded. Logan's did as well, sinking with his heart. "I can't do that, not... without... you know. I need to... be... with..." James faltered over his words, stumbling and stuttering. But Logan got the message enough and forced his smile back onto his lips.

"Okay. It's fine. It's okay," he reassured stiffly. James had gotten his answer, he probably wanted to get out of this hell hole sooner rather than later.

Logan gently got out of James' arms and pushed up, standing and trudging over to his desk. Thankfully he'd serviced James from the edge of his bed rather than the floor, which often left his knees sore and bruised. He grabbed a Kleenex from the corner of his desk and wiped what was left of James' climax off his face, tossing the tissue in the trash.

At the back of his desk next to piles and piles of books was a little orange pill bottle with little white pills. Logan popped the lid off and tapped two into the palm of his hand, tossing them into his mouth and dry-swallowing them.

He hadn't even heard James get up and follow him, but he felt him up against his back, hands on Logan's forearms and chin touching his temple. "What was that?" he asked quietly, and Logan almost wished he wouldn't touch him like this, make him feel so wanted and loved when James, the best thing to walk into Logan's life in years, was just going to leave anyway.

Yet, Logan knew that in a few minutes he wouldn't mind so much, so he took a deep breath and sighed. "Uhm... it's codeine. It's a pain killer..." he explained, setting the bottle back in its place, right next to Hemingway and Fitzgerald.

James touched Logan's elbow, stepping around to face him. He'd pulled on his underwear, which was too bad. Logan would have liked the view to last a little longer before he was left alone. "Pain? Are you alright?" James asked worriedly, touching Logan's chin and cheek, looking into his eyes, and there was so much concern in the hazel ones of his that Logan had to smile, touching James' hand against his cheek before shuffling back to the bed and crawling onto it, speaking as he walked.

"No... no, it's not that. I just... take it." He groaned, relaxing down against the mattress on his stomach and closing his eyes, waiting patiently for the drug to begin taking effect.

The bed sank down beside him and Logan opened his eyes, seeing James sitting next to him, legs pulled up in bed and he was touching Logan's hair, watching him carefully.

Logan didn't know why, but he started talking without thinking, watching James' chest move with every breath. "I started taking them in med school. I got hooked like... that." He snapped, chuckling for a second. James sat, just listening. Logan sighed and pushed up, sitting next to James, close, their legs touching and James' fingers continued playing with Logan's hair. "There's just nothing like the feeling of not... feeling. How your lips go numb... your eyes and your forehead... you're floating." He sighed and without even thinking about it, leaned his head onto James' shoulder. His own voice was beginning to sound tinny, like he was in a coffee can. "Johns Hopkins doesn't look fondly on stealing medical supplies and drug addiction. I got kicked out by the end of my first year."

At least James did Logan the courtesy of not saying anything after. He kept his arm around Logan and continued to fiddle with his hair between his fingertips and Logan could feel his calm, steady breath against his forehead. James was warm. And soft. Logan's hand found James' chest again and he was back to stroking along his incredibly smooth skin. So flawless.

Logan wasn't sure if he dozed off or if he just lost time as the codeine kicked in, but he was a little rattled by the sound of James' voice as he asked, "Can I stay the night here?"

It made Logan blink, because why would James, who was going to be a successful singer in a month and probably already has a penthouse just because he's beautiful, want to stay in a dump like this? Logan was pretty sure there was blood stains in the carpet.

But how on earth could he say no? He'd have to be crazy. All he'd wanted since he'd seen him was for James to just stay. And at this point, Logan would accept anything to delay the pain of being left by such a perfect man.

So he nodded silently. Allowed James to help him lay down. Let him take his skinny jeans off for him. Cover him up and turn off the bedside lamp and soon James was under the heavy covers with him, shifting closer, wrapping his arms around Logan and drawing him into his chest. Logan tucked his nose into James' neck, breathing him in and letting himself go dizzy as he closed his eyes. James was humming and his voice was suddenly Logan's favorite sound.

If this was all Logan ever got the rest of his life, went every day after this alone but had this, he'd be happy. If this was the last thing he ever knew, he'd be happier. But if it could never end, if he could keep James holding him and loving on him and caring for him forever... well, Logan would never ask for anything else.


End file.
